Emotionally Intelligent Parenting

January 4, 1999
The authors of this overbearing book--based on the bestselling Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman--urge parents: "Do unto your children as you would have other people do unto your children." Meaning, try to see things from the child's perspective; stop nagging, threatening and yelling to get your point across; foster positive, and discourage negative, behaviors. Although the authors, all psychologists and themselves parents, claim they are providing parents with a new way of relating to their children that's "not a fad or a gimmick or a technique," the suggestions they offer seem unnecessarily complex. If two siblings are fighting, they are sent to "chill out," the authors' variation on the endlessly described time out. The children are then required to "keep calm" (a deep-breathing exercise), fill out a Trouble Tracker Report and practice their BEST behaviors (Body posture, Eye contact, Speech, Tone of voice). In the midst of these multistep exercises, there are some good ideas, but Goleman's emotional intelligence principles seem less than pioneering in this context because most parents' guides, from Spock onward, have traveled this terrain before and offer much more practical parenting advice.