The Fixed Stars

Starred review from January 27, 2020
In this intimate memoir, Wizenberg (A Homemade Life) shares the story of her changing sexual orientation, the dissolution of her marriage, and the challenges of coming out to her friends and family. While serving on a jury as a 36-year-old married mother of a toddler, Wizenberg became captivated by a female attorney she met. Soon after the trial, she shared her newfound feelings and confusion with her chef and restaurant owner husband, Brandon, who responded with a mix of kindness and fear. Just as “astronomers know that every star is in motion and that each moves along its own trajectory, according to its own properties,” Wizenberg writes, she realized she needed to let go of rigid definitions about identity and face the challenges of navigating the complexities of love. Throughout, she integrates observations from well-known researchers, in particular the work of Lisa Diamond, who found that the norm among women “was not stability in sexual attraction and identity but change.” Wizenberg writes with a remarkable openness about being true to herself and to others, and gives those looking to understand the complicated issue of sexuality a compassionate example of the many forms that love takes. This honest and moving memoir will enlighten and educate those seeking to understand their true selves.