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The Attachment Theory Guide to Co-Parenting

Building a Secure Foundation for Your Child in Two Homes

ebook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available

A Bookfest Award Winner!

Discover how attachment theory can help you better understand yourself and your ex, improve your co-parenting skills, and raise happy, emotionally secure kids!

If you're like most parents, you want—more than anything—for your child to feel safe, loved, and confident that their needs will be met. However, this can be difficult when you're sharing custody with an ex. Instead of working together, you may feel at war with one another, and in the end, nobody wins—especially your child. So, how can you ensure that you and your ex are on the same page when it comes to co-parenting?

With this unique and highly practical guide, you'll learn the science of attachment theory, and how to apply it to your co-parenting relationship. Secure attachment refers to the bond between a parent and young child, which gives that child a stable and secure basis from which to negotiate life going forward. A child with a secure base can weather the storms of trauma and life changes —such as those caused by divorce—much more easily than a child who doesn't. Co-parents who understand this principle have a significant advantage, because they can learn how to provide secure attachment for their child, even while no longer living under the same roof.

You'll learn the "principles of engagement" for successful co-parenting:

  • Commitment: Create certainty in the midst of change by committing to show up and be present for your child, thereby creating trust and reducing anxiety.
  • Collaboration: Work together, with a shared vision for co-parenting, to create win-win-wins for all.
  • Clarity: Maintain clear, concise, calm, and timely communications, thereby minimizing misunderstandings and providing accountability.
  • Consistency: Build consistent structures in both homes to create reliable and predictable environments.
  • Connection: Co-parents stay present and mindful with their child to help them process their emotions and to build secure attachment.
  • Community: Cultivate community and external support systems, thereby expanding the circle of love.
  • Co-parenting is often difficult, and sometimes it can feel like a battle. But it doesn't have to be this way. Using the insight and wisdom in this guide, you'll learn how to build a solid and supportive co-parenting team. And the real winner will be your kid!

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    • Reviews

      • Kirkus

        Starred review from February 1, 2024
        Smolarski offers a practical and empathetic guide for separated caregivers to building a co-parenting relationship that helps kids flourish. Shortly after the author separated from her partner, their 6-year-old daughter told her "I feel all alone in the woods!" That distress signal launched Smolarski, a psychotherapist, mediator, and public policy advocate, on a quest to understand what a "good two-home family" might look like and learn how to create one for her own family. In this guide to creating "a co-parenting relationship that allows your child to thrive," she outlines three different attachment styles and how they affect family interactions and details key principles newly separated caregivers can follow to prioritize their child's emotional security during challenging times. The author uses brief fictional scenarios to illustrate different ways divorced or separated parents might interact with each other and with their children, discusses the various emotional factors involved, offers exercises to help readers to identify the factors most important to their personal situation, and revisits the same scenarios to show how they might play out differently when the suggested techniques and approaches are applied. The chapters cover the nature of the co-parenting relationship, making decisions, dealing with your child's emotions (and your own), developing shared values and effective communication, resolving conflicts, and maintaining consistency across two homes. Each chapter ends with a helpful "Now What?" question-and-answer section addressing specific concerns parents may have. Throughout the book, Smolarski emphasizes self-compassion and argues persuasively that one parent can improve family dynamics to reach what she terms a "win-win-win" by implementing her suggestions even when the co-parent isn't fully on board. Her realistic and relatable examples include diverse family structures, with children of all ages. The explanations of important concepts, such as "hot potato" emotions and the "upstairs and downstairs brain," are clear and down to earth. Smolarski's practical tips and ideas are likely to be helpful across a broad range of relationships. A helpful and reassuring model of how ex-partners can put their child's happiness first.

        COPYRIGHT(2024) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

    Formats

    • OverDrive Read
    • EPUB ebook

    Languages

    • English

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