A Trans Man Walks Into a Gay Bar

March 20, 2023
In this vulnerable and frequently amusing memoir, trans activist Nicholas recalls growing up as a girl who “everyone assumed” was a lesbian and trying “really, really, really hard” to be one, despite his attraction for men. He began hormonal therapy and had top surgery while dating his long-term girlfriend, Lucy, and after she broke up with him in 2018, Nicholas realized that he “needed to allow myself the chance to experience being gay,” despite not knowing whether he would be accepted in the gay community as a trans man. Though heavy topics such as body dysphoria, transphobia, and sexual assault are discussed, Nicholas’s self-deprecating humor shines as he recounts coming out to his parents, meeting men on Grindr, visiting gay saunas, and looking for a long-term partner. His journey culminates in the difficult realization that the only way forward is to dispel the fear that the world may not accept him by learning to accept himself: “It is one of my proudest accomplishments to be able to read my own reflection of me and enjoy what I see.... This is not the body that I was born with; it has been made, created, sculpted. It is intentional. It is magic.” Funny, candid, and smart, this is an important contribution to the understanding of what it means to be gay and trans.