Passion and Presence

August 31, 2020
Sex therapist Daye stresses “great sex is a mind-set, not a skill set” in her thoughtful debut. The author suggests expanding the definition of sex to include “any touch, movement, or exchange of energy that is pleasurable”; to that end she offers ideas for couples who may be facing limitations due to their emotional state, health, or age and emphasizes that sex shouldn’t be goal-oriented or an achievement, but a shared, even spiritual experience. The first chapters provide tools for exploring one’s past to understand the unique emotional and psychological problems that can come up in sexual situations. Later chapters lay out exercises to help with the physical aspects of intimacy, such as how to overcome barriers with “sexual parts play” (what some would term role-playing) by releasing one’s “multidimensional self” through a “performance trance.” Issues demonstrated through composites of Daye’s patients’ anchor each chapter, offering a peek into the problems others have. However, some readers will find Daye’s salacious descriptions voyeuristic, and her advice often comes overloaded with acronyms, such as her core principle PEP (pure erotic potential), though the does exhibit some clever turns of phrase, such as “Cupid’s leaden arrow” for when passion subsides. By focusing on how mindful attention can aid one’s sex life, Daye succeeds in bringing heart to a sensitive topic.